In a move that surprised absolutely no-one, the Government today decided that fucking up the current economy just wasn't enough - they needed to find a way to balls it up for future generations, too.
"We suddenly realised that all these ex-bankers were just sitting around and mostly wanking themselves silly," said professional Prime Minister impersonator Gordon Brown. "We all thought that it seemed such a waste of all those destructive tendencies which they'd been exercising for so long. Then I thought, "I know, teaching. That's not really a proper job, it it? I mean, look at all the holidays they get. We should get some of those poor unfortunate banking types a couple of cushy teaching posts. They'd love that." Everyone else thought this was brills and that I was the bestest for even thinking of it. Which I suppose I am."
The new proposal involves reducing teacher training to six months in an effort to appeal to City types with the attention span of a fruitfly; however, this could be reduced even further if you're willing to inject some cash into the economy. Offers start at 70 quid but if you're willing to bail out a national bank, that would be smashing, too.
(Yeah, I've been reading The Daily Mash a bit too much recently. I'm starting to think in their stories... and am a bit surprised they haven't done this one.)
4 comments:
Wanking themselves silly...they should probably just stick to that.
On behalf of all Scottish people, I would like to apologise for this country's current and past PM. If it helps any, we have totally disowned them.
It truly is sad the state of affairs we are in.
Rachel - I think even that is stretching their talents. (It's impossible to write a response without sounding smutty. Try it.)
Anna - You did give us the deep-fried Mars Bar though so all is forgiven.
Tabitha - It's not getting much better, is it?
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