Thursday, 12 February 2009

Please, Please Stop

Dear Steve,

We had a close association a long time ago but, for quite a while now, I've distanced myself from you and I feel I should write and tell you why. It's only fair - you brought me a lot of joy in those early years but I've watched you struggle and flail around for a long time now without saying a word right to you. Sure, I've discussed it with others but I feel it's time I wrote something directly to you.

I remember how good it all was back in the beginning. You were a wild and crazy guy back then and the laughs came thick and fast. You weren't necessarily always calling yourself Steve either. You were Navin R Johnson or Rigby Reardon or Dr Michael Hfuhufuhurr but we always knew it was you. Those were the good times, man, and we all enjoyed them. I particularly liked your stint as Orin Scrivello (DDS), a sadistically Elvis-like dentist who gets his just desserts by being fed to a giant talking plant (your average everyday role) and a special mention has to go out to Ruprecht, the depraved, eyepatch-wearing monkey boy.

But then something went wrong. A sort of malaise set in. You seemed to reach a point where you'd become disinterested in the whole comedy thing or, when you were interested in them they were of a lazy feelgood variety. You were playing the harried father or the put-upon husband and, very quickly, we stopped laughing.

You started to try and show a more serious side from time to time as if to say, "Hey, you know what, the time for fun is over. We're done with that now."OK, fair enough but then you tried to go back to being the comedy clown to win our laughs again and it just wasn't working for us.

And here we come to the crux of the matter. If you're going to expect us to laugh along with you again, why do you insist on taking our friend Peter's sublime comic creation and repeatedly smearing it in your own excrement? That may sound a little harsh, Steve, and I know you haven't done that literally (no one would want to see that) but that's what it feels like. You've taken Inspector Clouseau and you've daubed him in your own fecal matter. Not just once but twice. Do you hate us that much now, Steve? Do you have that much contempt for us that you're happy to keep befouling someone else's comedy works and pocketing the cash for it?

We had some laughs once so I can't hate you completely. I'll always remember the good times. But you and me are done now. I won't be going to see The Pink Panther 2 or whichever other abomination you choose to trot out next. For you see, you, sir, are now pretty much just an arse.

Yours without any more real affection at all,
Baldy

12 comments:

Irish Gumbo said...

Lee Kee Boat Yards.
"Does your dog bite? No...."
"Kay-TOOOOE!"
"A buhm?"

Agreed. Don't mess with genius.

Belle said...

So you haven't even seen it?
You have to see it before you can trash him. At least...
You never know..

That Baldy Fella said...

IG - Exactly. I'm generally fairly sceptical about remakes. If it was good first time round, why do you need to do it again? Isn't a bit arrogant to think you can make it better?

Belle - I watched a couple of minutes of the first one and it just made me both sad and angry (or sangry). I'm getting less tolerant these days about bad films. I'm no longer willing to sit all the way through a film I'm not enjoying just so I can form a full opinion on it. If I don't like it, off! (Southland Tales suffered this fate after about 20 minutes the other week)

Belle said...

As I'm only marginally older than you...errmmm.. I have even less tolerance. I don't even watch things that sound or look vaguely crappy to me. Pink Panther would not be on my 'to watch' list anyway.

That Baldy Fella said...

To be honest, I didn't go out of my way to watch the first one. It was on, I suffered it for a bit, it quickly went off and any last vestige of hope of Steve Martin ever making anything watchable again was finally dashed (it was only a small sliver after the last 15 or so years of crap...). Today's rant was prompted by seeing the ad for Pink Panther 2 and thinking, "What have we done to deserve this, eh?"

Rachel Tamed said...

Ah how the mighty have fallen...oh wait...didn't that guy do multiple movie about weddings and pregnancy once?

Rachel May said...

RIP sgt Bilko

TishTash said...

I think he and Chevy are both in on it.

That Baldy Fella said...

Rachel T - Yep, Father Of The Bride 1 & 2 - the beginning of the end in hindsight...

Rachel M - Yeah, he has a fondness for taking other people's work and just pissing on it

TishTash - The Chase has been quiet recently. This makes me suspicious. I smell a comeback in the wind - a dirty, unwelcome comeback...

Anna Russell said...

I wholeheartedly agree. He's like Eddie Murphy - he didn't just run out of funny, he ran away from it like it was on fire.

Hugs
Anna xxx

PS I swear I didn't see this before I wrote my angry letter blog post, honest!

That Baldy Fella said...

I never really got Eddie Murphy, though, I must admit - I just felt I couldn't find him as funny as he found himself...

Damn, I was hoping to take credit for having thematically inspired you today!

Anonymous said...

Fletch is a masterpiece. It is everything the comedy/action cop/detective film should be. But it was a peak, or rather a cliff's edge. Fwuuummpp!