Right, come on, brain, you know how this works. Take everyday minutiae of day-to-day life, mix in overly wordy writing style, add self-deprecating comments and publish. Work with me here, give me something.
No? OK, then let's see if I can jumpstart this thing. Look around, look around. What's nearby? Plastic bag containing detritus of lunch (mildly unpleasant but strangely filling chicken and bacon pasta, packet of roast ox flavour crisps*, empty Coke bottle). Nope, not much in the way of inspiration there.
OK, what else is in the immediate environs? Two mobile phones** sitting in their little foam sofa-shaped mobile phone holders - the black phone on the white sofa and the silver phone on the black sofa. And not the other way round. That's just the way it is. Don't switch them. If you switch them , I'll just have to...switch them back. You've gotta have a system.
Well, nothing there, really. Keep looking, keep looking... Work colleagues? No, I don't think the world is ready to have the full horror that is my employed cohorts unleashed upon it. Best leave them be, cages unrattled.
Telly? Nah, everyone's got a telly and it's not showing much worth talking about at the moment. The sounds down but it appears to be two men digging a field followed by a selection of vox pops with old dears sporting purple rinses. That'll be the local news then. Someone'll be indignant about something, no doubt some business plan for an area previously untouched by business-style planning. I know, with that level of insight, I could be a journalist.
Well, I guess, yet again, that I don't really have anything to say. Maybe I shouldn't post a blog today...
* I don't eat a lot of roast ox - surprising, I know, given the many similarities between my good self and Henry VIII - and I'm betting that the makers of these crisps are banking on their consumers being unfamiliar enough with the flavour of roast ox to get away with basically renaming beef crisps something a bit more fancy sounding.
** Nope, I'm not so popular that I need to two phones to cope with demand. One of them only rings when people want me to do work-related stuff. It's like a regular phone but less fun.