Sunday, 25 January 2009

Habitual Offender

When writing about yourself (which is pretty much all this blogging lark is, really), the tendency is to paint yourself in a more flattering light. It's a natural thing to do and something that everyone does. So, in the interest of fairness and balance, here are a selection of my standard habits that range from irritating to unpleasant...

1. Compulsive Stroker - Alright, get that mind out of the gutter right this instant. I'm referring, of course, to my lustrous goatee beard. I have almost a nervous tic to causes me, whilst thinking, to be constantly stroking and twiddling with my beard, much in the manner of a maliciously Machiavellian mastermind. Not only is it deeply irritating to many of work colleagues, it's also unpleasant when sat at my desk as, the more I mess about with the chin covering, the more hairs drift off onto the desk. Mmm, lovely image, isn't it? The cleaners must love it round by my desk.

2. Pick it, Roll It, Flick it - Yes, despite having a compulsion to stuff napkins from pretty much any fast food-y type eating establishment into my jacket pockets, I still manage to sometimes go mining for nose goblins. Now, I'm probably beginning to create the impression that I never leave my face alone, hands always probing around in face crevices or beard recesses. Well, that's probably not too far from the truth.

3. Ah'll Fuggen Fight Ya, Ya Basserd - I like a drink (who doesn't?*) and, fortunately, I'm a happy drunk (particularly if I've partaking of any of those happiest of happy juices, namely tequila or sambuca). Gin does make me maudlin (and tastes awful) so I tend to avoid that one. There is a family of drinks, however, which do upset me mightily and cause narkiness, ill temper and occasionally violence. I cannot touch whiskeys, bourbons, Scotches, anything like that or a fearful ire is raised within me. I started one fight in my life outside a petrol station under the influence of copious Wild Turkey. I don't remember this but do know that my friend had to finish said fight while I sat and ate the cheeseburger he'd just bought (this was around 12 years ago and he still reminds me about it so I'm paying my penance). So, no whiskey for Nick then, ta. (Oddly, even when absolutely trashed siince then, I still just won't touch it.)

4. If It's Over, It's Over - I have a lot of friends who keep in touch with their ex-girlfriends/boyfriends and fair play to them. For the most part, though, that's not for me. If we're done, we're done. If I've got to the point where I don't want to spend time with you anymore then don't expect me to be keeping regular contact. I have friends that don't understand that mentality but it's my mentality and I'm unlikely to massively change it now. I like to go forwards, not back,. As catching with an old flame proved recently, the past is often best left where it is. Still, it seems a little harsh to others that I completely cut that person out. That's just my way of dealing with things, I guess.

There are probably plenty more annoying habits - the little phrases that I use incessantly day in and day out, snoring like a passing herd of elephants** - but I think that's enough psyche picking for today.

How about you? Any corkers?



* OK, recovering alcoholics and people who are teetotal probably don't but you get the idea

** I was going to say that I have only other people's comments to base this one on but, seeing as I sometimes wake myself up snoring (and it must be me as I'm the only one in the bed), they might be well be on to something.

15 comments:

Anna Russell said...

Whisky has exactly the same effect on me, which is why I avoid it like the plague (that and the fact it all tastes like antiseptic).

And staying friends with exes is overrated. People alawys seem proud of themselves for it - until the ex meets someone else before they do. Then it's not so cool.

No. 2 is disgusting and why we all think boys are icky.

Hugs
Anna xxx

That Baldy Fella said...

I'm glad I'm not the only one who's whisky intolerant and intolerant on whisky.

Clean Break Nick, that's what they call me (OK, so they don't. But if they did, they'd call me that).

Oh come on. There's nothing more satisfying than rooting out a chunk of green gold. I've seen girls do it. The difference is that girls eat them to destroy the evidence. It's true. My mate Dave told me. So there.

Irish Gumbo said...

Ih, dear. I should have a "Chairman Gumbo's Little Red Book" to cover the irritating aspects of me.

Wine in large amounts makes me a bit of a nutter, plus gives me terrible, terrible headaches. So for everyone's sake I avoid too much of the vino.*

I often have an irritating habit of interrupting people when they are talking (mainly because my brain won't slow down).

I too easily get swept up in a "cause" if it gets my (dare I say?) 'Irish' up.**

I curse much more than I should, especially now that I have a wee one in the house.***

Now you've done it, I shall have to make some lists, codify this.

* Scotch I am quite fond of, but is rather 'self-limiting'. Won't be downing them like margaritas!

**Tends to lead to embarrassing/disastrous consequences, esp. if combined with alcohol.

***The first (and only!) time she said 'Goddamnit' I burned with shame and nearly wept with pride. But still, not endearing me to family and other parents!

That Baldy Fella said...

Wine just gets me very drunk very easily because I can drink it far too quickly...

Yep, I'm more profane than I should be but swearing is fucking big and cocking clever, though.

Ah, I sense I've opened a can of bloggy worms now....

foxxy said...

i don't have any annoying habits and after reading this i'm not sure how you manage to live with yourself.

Belle said...

Firstly - that nose thing has completely put me off you. No. I DO NOT go digging around in my snout and I DEFINITELY wouldn't play with it if I did.
As for Tequila and Sambuca - I have to keep well away from it, or at least only drink it when I am alone at home. A few shots of Tequila seems to numb the part of my brain that says 'you are not to go up to handsome strangers and ask if you can make passionate love to them'

Belle said...

My best friend calls it Slut-Juice and won't let me touch the stuff.

That Baldy Fella said...

Ah, come on, everyone has a quick rummage around up there every now and then.

Tequila slammers for Belle, please. Heh heh heh...

That Baldy Fella said...

Foxxy - It must be tough to manage being practically perfect in every way...

Belle said...

Just a passing thought..
Have you ever wondered why you are alone in the bed?
Watching my loved-one pick their nose while humming loudly and tunelessly to War of The Worlds (on their pod), all the while compulsively stroking their beard- while reading a comic.
I don't know...
I could definitely do without men.
Chocolate and shopping is way more fun.

Belle said...

Oops - picking up that Sarf London there!
ARE way more fun.

Pearl said...

As an extrovert, I think the most intolerable thing about me is that it is possible for me -- especially drunk -- in my excitement to share ideas/whatnot, to plow completely over other people, especially if they are the retiring sort.

And that's another annoying thing about me -- the meek bug me.

I'm a terrible person!

Pearl

foxxy said...

you're right, it can be difficult at times. the urge to do annoying things isn't nonexistent, i must be constantly vigilant.

it was brave of you to post about your irritating habits. if i had any, i would be inspired to tell them to you ;-)

That Baldy Fella said...

Belle - But I like having the bed to myself. No one steals the duvet, I don't get bwoken up by someone else who's unable to sleep and I don't piss someone off one week in three by getting up at Bleurgh o'clock for the early shift. (Sci-fi and comics is my chocolates and shopping. Or is that are? Now, I'm confused..)

Pearl - Evil's the new good anyway. Join us. Mwuhahahahahaha!

Foxxy - It's tough at the top, I guess.
I might be done sharing for a bit - I fear I'm losing the popular female vote...

foxxy said...

share away, you've got my vote:-) i'm not this popular female of whom you speak though.