Habitual Offender

When writing about yourself (which is pretty much all this blogging lark is, really), the tendency is to paint yourself in a more flattering light. It's a natural thing to do and something that everyone does. So, in the interest of fairness and balance, here are a selection of my standard habits that range from irritating to unpleasant...

1. Compulsive Stroker - Alright, get that mind out of the gutter right this instant. I'm referring, of course, to my lustrous goatee beard. I have almost a nervous tic to causes me, whilst thinking, to be constantly stroking and twiddling with my beard, much in the manner of a maliciously Machiavellian mastermind. Not only is it deeply irritating to many of work colleagues, it's also unpleasant when sat at my desk as, the more I mess about with the chin covering, the more hairs drift off onto the desk. Mmm, lovely image, isn't it? The cleaners must love it round by my desk.

2. Pick it, Roll It, Flick it - Yes, despite having a compulsion to stuff napkins from pretty much any fast food-y type eating establishment into my jacket pockets, I still manage to sometimes go mining for nose goblins. Now, I'm probably beginning to create the impression that I never leave my face alone, hands always probing around in face crevices or beard recesses. Well, that's probably not too far from the truth.

3. Ah'll Fuggen Fight Ya, Ya Basserd - I like a drink (who doesn't?*) and, fortunately, I'm a happy drunk (particularly if I've partaking of any of those happiest of happy juices, namely tequila or sambuca). Gin does make me maudlin (and tastes awful) so I tend to avoid that one. There is a family of drinks, however, which do upset me mightily and cause narkiness, ill temper and occasionally violence. I cannot touch whiskeys, bourbons, Scotches, anything like that or a fearful ire is raised within me. I started one fight in my life outside a petrol station under the influence of copious Wild Turkey. I don't remember this but do know that my friend had to finish said fight while I sat and ate the cheeseburger he'd just bought (this was around 12 years ago and he still reminds me about it so I'm paying my penance). So, no whiskey for Nick then, ta. (Oddly, even when absolutely trashed siince then, I still just won't touch it.)

4. If It's Over, It's Over - I have a lot of friends who keep in touch with their ex-girlfriends/boyfriends and fair play to them. For the most part, though, that's not for me. If we're done, we're done. If I've got to the point where I don't want to spend time with you anymore then don't expect me to be keeping regular contact. I have friends that don't understand that mentality but it's my mentality and I'm unlikely to massively change it now. I like to go forwards, not back,. As catching with an old flame proved recently, the past is often best left where it is. Still, it seems a little harsh to others that I completely cut that person out. That's just my way of dealing with things, I guess.

There are probably plenty more annoying habits - the little phrases that I use incessantly day in and day out, snoring like a passing herd of elephants** - but I think that's enough psyche picking for today.

How about you? Any corkers?



* OK, recovering alcoholics and people who are teetotal probably don't but you get the idea

** I was going to say that I have only other people's comments to base this one on but, seeing as I sometimes wake myself up snoring (and it must be me as I'm the only one in the bed), they might be well be on to something.