TV Gold

There is many a delight gleefully crapping all over our eyes and ears via the medium of the television schedule these days and, judging by some of the competition out there, I reckon it can't be all that hard to pitch out a few ideas. I'm sure that all of these are imminently due to be snapped up by some far-sighted TV exec who knows televisual gold when it pokes him in his expense-account induced girth so keep an eye out for them come the winter season.

60 Minute Housebreak
Two teams of chirpy conmen attempt to break into a top-list celebirty's nouse and steal as many of their expensive celebrity trinkets as possible in just one hour. The winning team are the ones who have managed to fence as much of the dodgy gear as possible to Dave down the Nag's Head before the rozzers get wind of it. Presented by celebrity cockney Danny Dyer.

Celebritry Punchface
This show distills the format in which a Z-list celebrity is subjected to ritual humiliation at the hands of the public down to its purest form. The vote lines open for your chosen celebrity and, once the vote has closed, the remainder of the show is spent having a burly security guard called Dave simply slapping them about the face. Oh, the hilarity.

Eat Some Food
Some people cook for some other people who come round to their house and eat it. Oh no, hang on, that's already pretty much every reality-type show on at the moment.

I'm fairly sure that any one of those would get me at least a twelve week commission. Maybe more...