Wednesday, 24 March 2010

Oh Body, Why Hast Thou Forsaken Me?

The early hours of Sunday morning. Sudden wakefulness is attained. Not a good wakefulness. A "something is wrong" wakefulness. Stomach. Stomach bad. Toilet. Toilet now.

And so begins a long day of bodily unpleasantness, all capped off with some lovely acheyness and shivering. You know it's a bad sign when you can't even muster the full attention span to watch something you actually would like to watch and are forced to stare at endless episodes of Come Dine With Me which seem to be designed to allow for you to doze off at three minute intervals as they are constantly recapping what has already happened and what is about to come up.

So Sunday passes in a blur of feeling like shite as does much of Monday only to be replaced on Monday night and much of Tuesday by agonising shoulder pain (presumably due to having dozed off in a funny position at some point during the day). Is this what it has come to? Has my body decided to turn against me so? Where a couple of days of feeling like crap results in additional aches and pains due to being ill in the first place?

Now, before I simply sound like I've already turned into a whingeing old grandad (and I realise that it may already be a bit too late for that), let me point out a recent sign of ageing of which I am extremely fond. For, you see, I have discovered new additions to the hairy growths upon the chin of your humble bald narrator. No, it's not the remains of last week's curry (I already knew that was there and I'm saving it for later). It is, in fact, a small selection of bright white hairs. I'm quite liking this. I'm hoping that it will lend me an air of, if not refinement and intelligence, then at the very least unwavering dedication to universal domination. Much like this fellow here:-

So come on then, Growing Older, let's see what else you've got, eh? Well, that is, as long as it's not things like standing in Tesco's in my underwear wondering why there are so many people in my kitchen looking at me funny and crapping in my pants every time I laugh. Let's just stick with the aches and the different coloured hairs for now, eh?

1 comment:

Irish Gumbo said...

Don't forget the obligatory bottle of Dos Equis you must carry, if you are going to look like that. Oh, that, and the cigar.

Be well, my friend...stay thirsty (smirk)!