Backwards Congas And Chinese 5 Spice

I’m really not sure what made me think it would be fine. I’ve been to plenty of live comedy shows and I’ve always resisted sitting at the front. That’s the firing line, the place of getting picked on. However, as The Brother had bought “posh” tickets (first two rows) and the second row was already filling up, I suggested sitting in the front. 

“This is Alex Horne (of Taskmaster fame) and The Horne Section’s Christmas show. He seems like a nice guy, he’s not the sort of comedian to pick on people in the audience, “ said I. It turns out that I was very shortly to be made aware that I had made a rather key mistake in that sentence (not the nice guy part, by the way).

It was about five minutes in when Alex turned to myself and the gentleman sat one seat over to say that it was very distracting to have two people sat in front of him basically wearing the same face (he was also an baldy fella with beard-style facial adornments) and that we should stand up and show the audience. We duly do so, a good laugh and we sit back down.

“Ah,’ thinks I, “that’s that over with then.” Me being wrong was definitely the theme of the evening.

After one of their trademark comedy songs (all of which were definitely my cup of tea), Alex Horne holds up a hand and says that, while very sweet, it was very distracting that I had kept saying, “I’m finding this very funny but I really want to do a backwards conga.” The sinking feeling becomes strong. I’m not off the hook. In fact, I about to be fully hooked up.

I am brought up on stage (along with my equally bald neighbour). Another four baldy beardies are selected from the audience. We then perform a backwards conga which starts and ends with me saying, “Agnoc!” three times into the microphone, and also ends with me conga-ing backwards on my own on stage, everyone else having been lead off-stage backwards one by one. I am thanked and returned to my seat. (The payoff for this bit comes at the end of the show when they play of video of this bit reversed so that we’re conga-ing forwards and I’m saying “Conga!” in a Twin Peaks, red room, dancing dwarf kind of a way.)

“Phew,” I think during the interval, “I was up there for ages, they must be done with me now.” I really should stop thinking to myself.

In the second half, my bald companion and I are offered a prize for the fun they’ve been having with us but there’s only one prize. The solution? A live Taskmaster task on stage to determine the prize-winner. We’re each given a rucksack to wear and a pop-up tent, still in its case. We have to put up the tent, get in, open the rucksack, put on the costume found within and exit the tent - first to do so wins. It with no small amount of pride that I have to say that I won (I was wearing an egg costume, my competitor an chicken one - “well, I guess that answers that question.”)

It’s not over yet, though. I win a jar of Chinese 5 Spice but I'm not quite done - I get to stay on stage during the song and join in the dance moves. When the dance moves run out, I’m told to just freestyle it in the background. After that, my time in the limelight is done (having probably spent about ten minutes in stage in total!)

Two of my favourite programmes of the year have been Twin Peaks (as discussed the other day) and Taskmaster. To get to perform live recreations of scenes from both shows was definitely a highlight. I normally find audience participation a bit cringey (as in if I’m the one doing it) but there was such a sense of fun about it and there was no real sense that we were being mocked, that it was impossible not to get swept up with it.

In conclusion, if you do get a chance to go and see Alex Horne and The Horne Section, do so. It’s a good fun night out and you might even get to take part….