The Sound Of War

Conflict on a global scale. Neighbour supporting neighbour, neighbour turning on neighbour. An assault of sound and light upon the senses. Terror, fear, the unknown and plenty of sequins. Yes, it’s time once for that most baffling of singing competitions - the Eurovision Song Contest.

It’s such an odd phenomenon and my reaction to it is probably representative of the generally schizophrenic way in which it is regarded. Initially, I started watching it as a student when the enjoyment was entirely irony-based (I know, surprising for a student to be enjoying something naff in an ironic fashion) and largely prompted by the excellent and gently mocking commentary provided by the late great Terry Wogan (who seemed to be as baffled and fascinated by it as we were). To be honest, that ironic enjoyment of something camp and ludicrous is still there but, over the years, I’ve become fascinated by the competition element of it too.

It’s basically war with music - a chance for countries to subtly air grievances or reaffirm alliances without all that tedious business of politics mucking about in the middle of it. People vote for their neighbours because they love them or vote against their neighbours because they hate them. Admittedly this had reached such ludicrous levels that basically the result ended becoming a foregone conclusion long before the (extremely long) results section completed so a change up in the voting structure came into effect a few years. Still, the old rivalries and alliances are still there.

So, what exactly is a Eurovision song? Well, there’s no real one answer to that. That’s generally what happens when you take a continent (plus a fair few extras - Israel and Australia’s claims to be in Europe strike me as somewhat tenuous at best) and try and impose a contest that crosses the many cultural divides and styles for those countries. It can provoke genuine oddness (such as a collection of Russian grandmas or overly costumed Finnish metallers) but, more often than not, it creates a sort of oddly bland, middle-of-the-road, generic “Euro” song - and it is inevitably these bland ones that always seem to win. I’m often baffled by the popularity of the winning song each year and have never managed to accurately predict the winner (I like the weird ones anyway).

I would imagine that other countries take it seriously but I feel like our reaction is peculiarly English to it. We’re part of it, sure, but we don’t take it completely seriously (as evidenced by Terry Wogan successor Graham Norton’s commentary). If you’ve not experienced the unique delights of Eurovision before, get yourself some beers, strap yourself in and embrace the naff cheesiness of the whole thing. We won't win but it feels like that’s not really the point anymore...