Germ Factory On Wheels

Of all the forms of public transportation, the bus is the least favoured. Sure, the train and tube can get ridiculously cramped to the point that it's difficult to know where your face ends and someone else's armpit begins but somehow, the bus always seems to be more cramped. It feels like you're a lot closer to people, too - I always feel as if I'm just perched on the seat within a whisker of being sat in the lap of the person next to me.

It feels dirtier, too. Take the other day's journey back to the station. I make my way up to the top deck. It's crowded so I have to head towards the back and perch on an outside seat (you know, the old maneuver that involves fitting approx. one and one half buttocks on the seat whilst also attempting not to touch legs with the stranger next to you). It's cold so everyone's wrapped up warm - however, the bus is packed so it's pretty warm. This has produced a sort of mobile greenhouse effect on the top deck and lead to condensation beginning to form on the windows.

A double seat becomes free at the next stop so I nip across and claim a seat by the window which gives the opportunity to spread my weight evenly across both buttocks. It's then that I notice that the condensation isn't just collecting on the window, it's collecting on the walls as well and running down both. That's a lot of germy breath-based water molecules collecting right there. Fortunately, there's enough space for me to be comfortably away from the trickling windows but it's still an unpleasant thought.

It may also account for the fact that I now seem to be developing some mild lurgy which means I have to steer clear of Gorgeous Girlfriend and the boys as the youngest recently spent ten days in hospital with extremely bad pneumonia (so germs are to be avoided as much as possible while he's still recuperating).

Bloody buses.