You’ve successfully woken yourself up and left the house but now have to face the prospect of getting to the Place That They Pay You Money To Go For Many Hours (referred to forthwith as “Work”). Look no further than this nifty guide to navigating your way to Work.
N.B. This guide is based on capital city dwelling. Places of a more northerly disposition may be friendlier.
Public Transport
1. Arrive at designated pick up spot (train station / bus stop/ zeppelin hangar) with just enough time.
2. Sigh / tut in irritation at inevitable delay due to overrunning engineering / accident / fundamental lack of investment in transport infrastructure.
3. Hurry to regular spot at which you stand in order to get on in your preferred place.
4. Experience irrational but strong anger at anyone else who might be standing there instead / experience mildly pathetic sense of smug entitlement at achieving said spot (delete as applicable).
5. Wait.
6. Wait some more.
7. Check indicator; note that delay to arrival time is creeping up at the same rate as the clock.
8. Experience totally unnecessary surge of adrenaline once transport arrives, coupled with almost imperceptible jostling to ensure that you are first through the doors.
9. Sigh / tut in irritation at person sitting in your desired seat / squeeze yourself into a dangerously overcrowded mode of transport that would be illegal for transporting cattle (delete as applicable).
10. Blot out remainder of commute with headphones / book / general disinterest in anything around you as a whole.
11. Arrive at the office in the perfect state of mind for tackling the days challenges / spend the first 30 minutes bitching to anyone with ears about the horrors of your commute.
12. Repeat until retirement or death.
Private Transport
1. Not applicable in London unless you’re criminally insane.
Congratulations! You are now at the office where forty to fifty years of delightful toil in exchange for the means to exist awaits you. Enjoy. Enjoy. Enjoy. Enjoy. Enjoy...
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