Just had Glaxnor round - he's absolutely devastated. Someone called his mother to tell her that he's really a supervillain. That's really uncalled for. Now his dad's thrown him out of the house and said that if he ever comes round again, they'll call the police. I've told him he can crash in the Spare Room Of Terror for a few days until he gets himself sorted out and back on his feet. It'll be fun to have someone else round the lair for a bit (aside from the minions, of course).
No post at all this morning. Think the depot may have got in a bit of a huff after me killing all their postmen then calling them rude names yesterday. I had to break out the orbiting death platform and reduce their puny depot to tiny little smithereens. Now how am I going to get my post?
Had a call from Admiral Amazing this afternoon. He's on the lookout for a new villain of extreme evil and despicableness to match wits against. I said it might be fun. Feel a bit bad fighting another hero behind Mighty Man's back but sometimes you just have to move on. We're going to meet up for a few initial clashes and see how it goes from there.
Got a quote from EvilAnimals.com. Apparently, evil chinchillas are quite hard to find and quite tricky to mutate. May have to have a bit of a rethink. I'm thinking evil axolotl but suspect they may be even trickier than the chinchillas.
Thursday
Some sad news today – one of the oldest minions, Minion Number 3, has decided it's time to call it a day on the old minioning front and strike out on his own. I shall be sad to see him go as we've had some good times together as evil master and henchman – the Evil Flying Robot Monkey-Children Caper, the Floating Doom, Fear In The Alps - happy times, one and all. I gave him the traditional send-off that all my minions get. I disintegrated him into a small pile of powdery ashes with my extra-big ray gun (the one I save for special occasions).
May have to have a word with Glaxnor. He left the butter out with the lid off and the dirty knife just lying next to it on the counter this morning after he'd had his toast. He also keeps taunting the piranhas with bits of cheese. I know he's going through a bit of a rough patch but, if he's going to live under my evil roof, he has to abide by my evil rules.
Had my first clash with Admiral Amazing today. We traded a few threats and insults and I promised to return and wreak terrible vengeance on him and a world which just didn't understand me. I think this could be the beginning of a very destructive relationship.
Continued...
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