Now, I know that the world of the blog is traditionally the place to find ill-informed rantings and woefully self-absorbed bile, so here's a post that does absolutely nothing to dispel that popular image.
There is a particular brand of joy that is thrust upon many millions of people every working day. It's a form of transportation that would, in all likelihood, be illegal for cattle and yet is somehow not only perfectly acceptable for humans but also increasingly overpriced. It is known as commuting and a more perfect generator of human misery has yet to be devised. For not only is it arduous and torturous in itself but the people what do have to use it also seem to take an almost perverse delight in making things more miserable for themselves.
Let's run through some basic etiquette for travelling on a form of transport that you have to share with other people, shall we? (The clue's in the name - "Public Transport"; there's no getting away from other people.)
Getting On? Let 'Em Off - This one should be a no-brainer and yet it somehow seems to stump many people on a daily basis. If you want to get on the train/tube/bus, you need to let other people get off first. In order for there to be enough room for you inside, there needs to be less people inside. It's very simple. If you try to push past the people getting off in order to get on, they can't get off and you can't get on. That's fairly basic physics, really.
Standing People Off First - Now, this one's more of a personal gripe but I believe it's valid nonetheless - when a train reached it's final destination, if someone has been standing for the entire journey and you have been seated, you let them off first. The train's not going anywhere, it's the final stop. Those extra few seconds of you rushing to get up and push past the standing people isn't going to make a huge difference to your onward journey. Enjoy that seat for a few more moments and let the miserable standing people go.
Bike + Train + Crowded Rush Hour = You Suck - On one of my recent early morning commuting journeys from my gorgeous girlfriend's place to my place of employment, a man had decided to take up four side-facing seats with his pushbike. As is natural at this time of day, the train became extremely crowded and people became irate. When someone attempted to point out to this prize numpty that you couldn't take a bike on a rush hour train, his only response was, "Yes, you can." When pushed further, his only further retorts were a simple "I'm not arguing about this"; the discursive equivalent of sticking your fingers in your ears and going "La, la, la, la, la, I can't hear you." When he reached his stop, a large proportion of the carriage received shin injuries as he indelicately extricated himself. Moral of the story? That guy's a dick. Don't be that guy.
There are more - oh so may more - which I could go into at great diatribinal length but, let's face it, you're already looking at your watch and wondering when all this is going to end. Fine, go on, nip off, I release you. Just make sure you're polite otherwise you may end up the subject of a vitriolic piece of online frippery which will be read by about nine people who will smile wryly before forgetting it and wondering what they've having for supper. Chilling thought, isn't it?