The New Normal - Television

We’re still slightly in a grace period where a number of programmes that started production before everything went, to use a technical term, tits up are still on the way. That period is rapidly coming to a close, however, so how are TV companies going to fill the gaps on the schedules that are barrelling towards us?

Name And Shame
Full screen pictures of people who’ve broken the latest guidelines while the presenters tut and shake their heads in the lower corner of the screen. Features a lengthy retractions section for all those who’ve no longer broken the rules now that the rules have changed yet again.*

Do You Remember…?
Talking heads show in which minor celebrities list the things they remember from the pre-pandemic world (going to the theatre, the Tube, not giving a shit about washing their hands, genuine human contact) while sighing wistfully.

Zoomers
Sci-fi series shot entirely on video chat and utilising only the inbuilt virtual background greenscreen for special effects. Surprising hit with those nostalgic for Blake’s 7.

Supermarket Queue
A reboot of Supermarket Sweep except that everyone has to calmly wait in line and maintain appropriate safe distance throughout. It’s sedate nature (and view of territory that once was theirs but is now a forbidden delight) makes it a surprise hit with the over-70s.

Next Doors
Soap opera shot entirely in gardens involving families shouting at each other over fences. Doesn’t run during the winter months when it’s too cold and rainy.

GoggleGogglebox
The family watch past episodes featuring themselves and comment on their own commentary. Television implodes.

I’m beginning to think that I could genuinely pitch some of these...


*Satire.