Thursday, 20 August 2009

Really Not Very Good At All

In recent weeks, I seem to have gone through a spate of watching some pretty bad films. And not in that fun "so bad, they're good" type of way. Just bad films. Why are they bad and which films do I speak of? Let's find out, shall we?

Journey To The Center Of The Earth
In a nutshell:- Quick, point that at the camera! We're in 3D, you know...
The Verdict:- I kind of hoped that it might turn out to be a dumb but fun blockbuster, something with a bit of a sense of humour. Sadly, I was to be disappointed on that score as it turned out to be a dull and leaden affair, featuring some fairly sub-standard CGI. However, the worst aspect of the film has to be that it was originally shot as a 3D film and is one of those most irritating of 3D films which has many unnecessary shots of people poking things at the camera in order to prove that it is, in fact, 3D. All of which is completely lost when you're watching on normal 2D television.

The Happening
In a nutshell:- M Night Showaddywaddy continues his career decline.
The Verdict:- So, a while back, M Night Shyamalan made an intriguing film called The Sixth Sense with an infamous twist ending*. He followed it up with a slow-paced but enjoyably down-played superhero film, Unbreakable (which I quite enjoyed). Since then, he has churned out a succession of twist-ending based films with increasingly irritating results. I thought Signs was an awful film until this pile of excrement came turding along. I can honestly think of nothing good to say about it. The acting, the script - all atrocious. Worst of all, it limps along to a nothing of an ending and just kind of stops without making any real sense at all. Avoid it. Really, just save yourself the time.

10,000 BC
In a nutshell:- Apparently, woolly mammoths helped build the pyramids.
The Verdict:- Well, I wasn't really expecting this one to be much cop and, in that respect, I wasn't really disappointed. It is, after all, from one of them men who brought us Independence Day. Kate managed to summarise what the upcoming plot would be within the first minute or so** and it pretty much stuck to that. What I didn't expect was that it would be mostly very dull. It didn't really have much in the way of spectacular set pieces - what it did have was a dull version of the hero's journey with improbably well-groomed and erudite cavemen.

So, there you have, some films what I have watched so you don't have to. Of course, it's not all been bad films, I've seen a rather good one recently, too. But that's a blog for another time.


* Is it smug to say that I knew what was going on quite early in? Well, I did , so there.

** In fact, this has become something of a trend. We worked out between us exactly what was going to happen in atheist-Arnie-fights-the-Devil flick End Of Days (I worked out the entire backstory of Arnie's character before he appeared on screen while Kate worked out the specifics of the ending). I didn't get to see the last half of it but I feel like I have...


6 comments:

Kurt said...

Wow. That was quite an impressive list of bad movies. It was like reading the marquee at a Jason Statham film festival.

That Baldy Fella said...

Throw in a romcom with Sandra Bullock and that'd pretty much be the shitty icing on the crap cake right there...

Pearl said...

Glad to hear someone else liked Unbreakable besides me.

And the only thing worse than The Happening was The Village. YOW did that suck! :-)

Pearl

That Baldy Fella said...

Hmmm, I have to say, I think The Happening was worse. At least there were a couple of decent actors on The Village. The Happening had Marky Mark and a woman on Prozac.

TishTash said...

Erudite cavemen, really? Maybe they're just faking it by reading important books via Cliffs Notes the way I did it in highschool.

That Baldy Fella said...

Me like. Comment good. Fire bad.