Who Does That Too?

I see. I’ve got the measure of you all now. It turns out that the most read post of the last few months was the one in which I talked about unusual behaviour whilst visiting the little boys room. Alright then, you scatalogical sinners, let it never be said that I don't give the audience what it wants. Time to follow it up with something else of a lavatorial nature. As before, if you have no interest in things of this nature (which clearly isn’t the case as borne out by the previous post), please do come back again next time when it’ll probably be… films or something, in all likelihood, innit.

I am beginning to wonder about some of the people who work here in [OFFICE BUILDING REDACTED]. It’s entirely possible that I am the strange one here (shush now, this isn’t audience participation) but I suspect not. The latest breach of water closet etiquette is nowhere near as egregious as the first example but it’s still a major no-no* as far as I’m concerned. 

I am settled in the cubicle in the traditional pose a la Rodin’s Thinker. I hear the stall next door become occupied. Shortly afterwards, a phone rings (actual ringing, not the frantic buzzing of silent mode**). 

“Ah,” thinks I, “that’ll be probably be switched to voicemail.”

On that count, I am absolutely wrong as, unbelievably, the phone is answered and a conversation ensues. Now, I don’t know about you but this is not a time that I:- a) want to be having a conversation with any other human being (the word “occupied” is entirely appropriate here); and b) want anyone else to hear what I’m doing at this moment in time. I know that it’s traditional to bash men for an inability to multitask but this is one occasion where I feel that unitasking is more than acceptable.

I mean, there’s a certain sound quality to a toilet cubicle. Particularly a public one where you may be picking up the ambient sounds of the other cubicles. It’s a move that says that you are either remarkably assured or possessed of a complete lack of self-awareness (and I suspect I know which way it falls on this one).

The kicker? After finishing all business (phone-related or otherwise), the cubicle was exited and then the toilets as a whole without the sound of any taps being run.

I think I’m going to have to give up shaking people’s hands.


* I think that Major No-No would be a good character to deploy if the old public information films were to be rebooted. He could firmly and sternly inform children of the dangers of walking slowly in front of people in Central London, playing your shit music out loud through your shit mobile speakers and just generally not being little pricks. I reckon I’m on to a winner there.

** A small side rant here - anyone who has their phone ringer volume up throughout the working day is an absolute psychopath. There’s one on a desk not too far away from me and they always leave their phone on their desk, filling the air with the jarringly loud (and it is turned up to max by the sound of it) and intensely irritating sound of their ringtone. Just switch it to silent. You will still notice it.